Have a cat at home? You're one step closer to "getting" adolescent behaviour!

I heard a humorous analogy recently, on a podcast about substance use and youth. Art Steinmann, an expert in the field, was talking about his own experience, and he shared these observations: 

"As I think about my children's high school experiences, I realize that young children are more like dogs, while teenagers behave more like cats. Dogs are so eager, so loyal and affectionate. It's so easy to be a dog owner. You feed them, train them, you boss them around, they put their heads on your knee and gaze at you as if you were the most beautiful painting. They bound indoors with enthusiasm when you call.

Then around 12 or 13, your adoring little puppy turns into a big old cat.

​When you call her she looks amazed, wondering who died and made you king. Instead of following you around, she disappears. You won't see her again until she gets hungry. And when you reach out to ruffle her head in that old affectionate gesture, she twists away, gives you a blank stare, as if trying to remember where she has seen before. And you, not realizing that your dog is now a cat, think something must be terribly wrong with it. She seems so antisocial, so distant, sort of depressed. She doesn't want to go on family outings anymore. And since you're the one that raised her, taught her to fetch and stay on command, you assume that you have done something wrong. Flooded with guilt and fear, you redouble your efforts to make your pet behave. Only now, you're dealing with a cat. And everything that worked before now produces the opposite effect. Call your cat and it runs away. Tell it to sit and it jumps on the counter.

So instead of continuing to act like a dog owner, you can learn to behave like a cat owner. Put a dish of food near the door and wait. Let the cat come to you. Most of all, remember: a cat needs your help and affection. But you need to sit still. She will come, seeking that warm, comforting lap she has not entirely forgotten. And one day, before you know it, your grown up child will walk into the kitchen, give you a big hug and say, 'you've been on your feet all day. Let me get those dishes for you.' And then you realize your cat is a dog again."

It's funny, but there's also a real wisdom to this observation. Being there unconditionally for your child, and for them to know they can safely return to your care, provides a core of stability to a turbulent time in their lives. To hear this full podcast, or others like it on mental health topics such as self-harm, anxiety, or eating disorders, visit the Kelty Mental Health "Where You Are" podcast page.