Attachment is a fundamental aspect to well-being and relationships, and our attachment needs tend to shift over time.  While infants tend to form strong attachments through skin-to-skin and close physical contact, by the time they reach pre-school, children are beginning to experience independence and their attachment needs begin to shift through childhood, adolescence and adulthood.  

Staying with children through both positive emotions like joy and happiness, as well as difficult emotions like sadness and anger will help them not only strengthen their attachment, but also manage their emotion.  Talk openly about feelings, and develop the habit of labeling and sharing emotions.  As Dr. Daniel Siegel highlights in his strategy "Name it to Tame It", naming emotions helps tame and calm the emotion, rendering it more manageable.  Children benefit from one-on-one time, or "my time", so carve out time where possible, and celebrate the relationships in your life.

Be present, but avoid trying to jump in and solve problems.  Adolescents often want someone to listen, without being told what to do.  By listening without guiding, supportive attachment relationships provide teens the support needed

Self awareness can help us develop insight to our thoughts, preventing misunderstanding and the tendency to jump to conclusions.  In their book Schools that Learn, Peter Senge and Mette Boell speak to the ladder of inference developed by Chris Argyle as one such tool that can help in this process.  Read below and explore how the ladder of inference can offer new opportunities to challenge our thinking, and to strengthen healthy interactions and social connections.   

Have you ever found yourself jumping to conclusions, only to later realize your conclusions were based largely on untested beliefs and selective data and interpretations?  What conclusions would you make if a friend or colleague snapped at you for a comment you made, or laughed while you were trying to make a point?

Rather than stopping to consider all data, many might instead quickly "climb up the ladder" assuming one's belief is the truth, the truth is obvious, and the truth is data.  While the temptation to quickly climb the ladder and jump to conclusions is strong, climbing down the ladder while questioning the data, information, and beliefs we are focusing on can drastically shift our experience and relationships.  Consider climbing down the ladder by asking yourself or others the following questions:

- What information am I paying attention to, and what might I be missing? What is the observable data?

-Are there other ways to make sense of what is happening here?  What might others see differently?

- How did I get from that observable data to these abstract assumptions?